How to Tell Someone You Don t Want to Go Out Again

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Sometimes, afterward a commencement date, one person might experience a spark while the other does not. Letting someone know y'all're not interested in a second date is a delicate conversation. Whether you allow them know via text or in person, proceed your words polite but direct. Straightforward conversations tin experience emotionally vulnerable, just showing honesty to your sometime date is respectful.

1. i

   Exist direct. When telling someone you're not interested in a second date, you can't beat effectually the bush. Euphemisms may avoid pain someone's feelings, but the other person might not pick up on what you're maxim.^[1]

   • Instead of saying, "I'yard actually busy this week," for instance, you might say: "I similar you but want to be straightforward. I don't retrieve we'd be a great match and don't feel like a 2nd date is best."

2. 2

   Care for their feelings with respect. Call up the gilt rule: care for others as you lot'd want them to treat yous. Put yourself in their place, and avert saying something that would injure you if someone you liked said information technology. Y'all don't take to reciprocate their feelings to treat them kindly.^[ii]

   • Avoid, for example, insulting phrases similar, "Are y'all kidding? Our first date was awful! Move along, dude."
   • Disgust is non an acceptable response. Beingness liked is flattering, and request someone out takes courage. Don't purposefully hurt their self-esteem.

   Good TIP

   Sarah Schewitz, Psy.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist by the California Lath of Psychology with over 10 years of feel. She received her Psy.D. from the Florida Institute of Technology in 2011. She is the founder of Couples Learn, an online psychology do helping couples and individuals improve and change their patterns in dearest and relationships.

   

   Sarah Schewitz, PsyD
   Licensed Psychologist

   How you finish things depends on how many dates you've had. If y'all've simply gone out a few times, you can end information technology quickly and lightly. If you've gone out more than a few times and are together a lot, be mature when ending things. Give them a chance to ask questions and process what's happening.

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3. three

   Requite an excuse with no holes, if y'all give ane. While lying is never a good idea, a valid excuse can help explain your disinterest without pain the other person's feelings. Shy away from vague excuses like, "Adjacent week is kind of decorated" or "I'm not feeling cracking tonight, sorry." Go for excuses that tin can't lead to a after date, like, "I've realized I'1000 merely not gear up for a human relationship right now."

4. 4

   Employ "I" statements to put the blame on yous, not them. Beingness turned down puts the person asking in a vulnerable place, and they may experience ashamed or like something's incorrect with them. Avoid listing reasons that you aren't attracted to them. Instead, go on the focus on y'all using "I" statements.

   • You might say, for case: "I'm flattered that you enjoyed our date, but I didn't actually feel a romantic connection. I promise I'm not hurting your feelings."

5. 5

   Ready for a positive or negative response. Depending on their feelings' intensity, they might respond in a variety of ways. Some might accept your response without another thought, merely others might feel upset when faced with rejection. Treat their emotions with respect, but stay business firm in your response.

   • If they begin to cry, stay calm and ask you how you can help. Do not offer them a date to stop them from crying.^[3]

6. half dozen

   Never turn someone downwardly via another person. Y'all might exist tempted to allow a friend have this difficult conversation instead, but this is not fair to the other person. Face the chat bravely. In-person is always ideal, but calling or even texting is preferred over telling them through someone else.^[4]

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1. 1

   Compliment them first. Communicating by text may be the only way if you met this person through online dating, but take special care to compliment them first. Sometimes tone doesn't quite interpret well through text. Paying them a compliment first volition foreclose your bulletin from taking a harsh tone.^[5]

   • You might write, for example: "I enjoyed going out with you last week! You're an amazing hiker. That said, I just didn't feel the spark that would make me interested in a 2d appointment."
   • Don't sugarcoat your words. Over-flattering them may give the person false promise. Write ane or two compliments, and so move on.

2. two

   Keep your text straightforward. Having this conversation through text can make the message long and rambling. Your recipient volition understand you lot all-time if you keep the text simple. Aim for three-5 sentences, at about.

   • Y'all might say, for example: "Hey, I had a fun time getting to know. Correct now, though, I'grand not interested in another appointment. Promise all is well!"

3. 3

   Read the text aloud to catch harsh phrasing. Running through your text aloud can limit the disconnect in tone betwixt texting and talking in-person. Consider how the words experience when said aloud and if in that location is a kinder way of phrasing your feelings, if your response seems cold.

   • Instead of texting, "Thanks, simply you're not my type, buddy," for example, yous could text, "You are a sweetheart. I'm glad nosotros went out, only I think it would exist best if nosotros didn't schedule a 2d date."
   • Adding an emoji, like a smiley face up, can assistance make the text feel less brusque.^[6]

4. 4

   Avoid "ghosting" them. Maturity is important when letting them know over text, every bit is treating their feelings seriously. If they inquire you about a second appointment over text, respond to them directly. Deleting the text and forgetting about them might seem tempting, simply y'all run a risk hurting the other person.^[7]

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1. one

   Don't tell them you want to be friends unless you genuinely exercise. A common "go-to" for letting someone down gently is telling them, "But nosotros tin can still be friends!" Only tell them this if you mean it. If you have no interest in being friends, y'all don't accept to extend the offering out of courtesy.

2. two

   Decide whether friendship is in everyone'due south best interest. Sometimes, going separate ways is all-time for both people. You might not know this person well plenty to maintain a friendship, and their feelings might be raw enough to prevent developing a friendship with yous.^[8]

   • Ask yourself: what value will this friendship have for this person? What almost myself? What is the best grade of action for us both?

3. three

   Maintain firm boundaries. Feelings do not always leave speedily, and your old date may accept a hard time letting become. Without healthy boundaries, this person might keep property out hope in a relationship. Let this person know what your limits are, and stick to them. Exist direct with them if they break the boundaries.^[ix]

   • Examples of limits might exist: no intimate physical contact, no asking for more dates, or no flirting.

4. 4

   Step away, if they keep pressing for another engagement. Even if you want to maintain the human relationship, constantly turning the other person down may become draining. The other person might as well feel emotionally exhausted and unfulfilled in your human relationship. Tell the person if you'd like to spend fourth dimension apart, and tell them directly why.

   • Although this person's feelings deserve to be validated, they exercise not inherently deserve to be reciprocated. Avoid people who experience "entitled" to another appointment.

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• Don't brand fun of the person with your friends or brag virtually how you "shot them down."

• Be honest with them. White lies tin exist tempting (especially if friendlier than the truth), only if the other person realizes you lied, they may stop up feeling more hurt.^[10]

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About This Article

Article Summary X

Although it tin be awkward to tell someone you don't desire to go on another appointment, it's best to be polite and direct. If yous want to tell them in person, communicate clearly and direct rather than using euphemisms to avoid confusion. For example, you could say, "I had fun on our date last week, but I want to be honest. I call back we'll be better suited to other people, so I don't think a second appointment is best." Make sure you treat them with respect every bit you tell them to avoid any unnecessary hurt. You don't need to reciprocate their feelings, but being kind and polite equally you lot tell them so goes a long fashion. If y'all'd prefer to send a text to tell someone y'all don't want to continue another date, start with a compliment and go along your message straightforward. For example, you could say, "Cheers for our appointment last week, I had a proficient time. Still, I didn't feel much of a spark between the states that would make me interested in a 2nd date." For more tips from our Relationship co-author, like how to remain friends, read on!

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